Sobriety and Procrastination
I used to be a procrastinator but I can no longer be bothered...
This is an introduction to me, my writing, and a little reflection on the title. ‘Procrastination’ according the the Oxford English dictionary, ‘the action of delaying or postponing something’. Procrastination has been an affliction affecting numerous areas of my life, but became more obvious during my 40s and 50s. Some examples; “I would like to keep a journal” - but I haven’t got a nice journal. “I would like to take up writing” - nobody would be interested in my words. “I wish I could practice yoga” - I’m not flexible enough. “I’d like to do more travelling” - I don’t have the time or finances. “I’d like to work with people to help them” - in my professional role I help people, I’m a public servant, what else could I do? “I’d like to stop drinking” - No!! No way, not now, not yet, I’m ok, I’ve got this under control. You get my drift?
This piece is an attempt to address some aspects of my procrastination affliction. My website Carolyn Clark Coaching was created in 2023 and I meant to include some blog pieces within it to keep clients/followers in the loop with my offerings, my musings, my highs, my lows, my learning, and whatever else that came to mind. My sober instagram account, SoberHappySixties was started in 2022, and some of this has captured the highs and lows, in particular, the death of my mother in 2023, and separation from my husband after 44 years together (we are now reconciled after a year apart). It has taken from 2022 to 2025 to write this, my first blog. It’s the result of that infernal ‘P’ word again. I’d like to erase it from my life, and replace it with Preparation, Passion, Persistance, Performance and Punctuality (those that know me well will know why I’ve added the latter P).
On 31st December 2020 I poured my last drink of alcohol. I didn’t know it was going to be my last ever drink, I was just doing a month off the booze, like scores of others, to prove to myself, and others, that I didn’t have a problem. I was in control, right? Well, not quite! I was so deeply down the abyss of addiction that I wasn’t aware, or ready, to acknowledge it. The struggle during that first month was all the proof I needed. I didn’t consume any alcohol, but it consumed me. Mercifully my body wasn’t physically addicted, but my mind most definitely was. During that January in 2021 almost all of my spare bandwidth was taken up with thoughts around alcohol.
Towards the end of week 3, I began to feel stronger, fitter, more determined. My self-esteem began it’s slow crawl up from the floor, and I could think with more clarity. I wondered how I might feel after another month of sobriety, so decided to review at the end of the month. The same thing happened at the end of February, and so on, until by June 2021 I knew I would not drink again, and by September I was ready to ‘go public’ with my decision.
‘Going public’ does not mean that I made an announcement in the local paper, or walked around my village with a megaphone. I put up a post on my Facebook page. No big deal right? Well it actually is a big deal for someone who has hidden their addiction from family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, for many years. It was my ‘coming out’, my annoucement to the world that I was once a problematic drinker, and now I was sober.
I would not describe myself as a ‘Dry drunk’. Dry drunk is an expression coined by the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous[1] that describes an alcoholic who no longer drinks but otherwise maintains the same behavior patterns of an alcoholic. (Wikipedia). Before I removed alcohol from my life, I spent most of my free time alone, drowning my sorrows in the bottom of a dodgy Chardonnay, becoming unhealthily overweight, feeling utterly miserable, and grieving the death of my youngest brother, who had lost his own battle with alcohol addiction. The changes that happened in my life as soon as I stopped drinking were astronomical. I began socialising sober, found new friends, I went on a sea kayaking expedition with my husband, I went camping alone, learnt to paddleboard, became a festival volunteer, found yoga, had sober holidays. So many fabulous things were happening. I was beginning to come out of malaise that had affected me for the previous decade.
I would never describe the path to sobriety as easy. It takes work. When you have used alcohol for years to suppress negative emotions, you suddenly realise that you have to begin to feel your emotions, which can become overwhelming. You have to build your sober toolbox, and furnish it with what ever works for you. Mine included finding a community of other people on the same journey (Bee Sober CIC), reading many books in the quit lit genre, reading self-help books, listening to podcasts, rewarding myself for achieving milestones (like one week, 100 days, etc), journaling, finding a sober yoga community (The Mindful Life Practice), establishing a daily asana practice, meditation, chanting, travelling solo to a sober retreat (a great reward). I kept working at sobriety. Personally I don’t consider it as ‘work’. My life has improved unrecognisably from the sad, lonely woman who just after her 58th birthday, could see her dead brother looking back at her from her mirror. I want to go back and hug her to tell her ‘it’s going to be fine, it’s going to be great, you’re going to be free’.
During these last fours years of sobriety, my toolbox has also included quite a bit of self-development work. I have attended a circles training event with Donna Lancaster, completed a Sober coaching Diploma, a Sober Coaching course with Janey Lee Grace, a 30-hour Sober Yoga qualification, a 50-hour Sober Yoga Entreprenuer course, a 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training course, and I am currently almost at the end of a 100-hour Yoga Sutra course. I have led two sold-out retreats in Bali, and have collaborated for the first time with an amazing friend on my next one, Soulful Discoveries Retreat in September 2025. I have taken flexible retirement from my public service career, and see clients over Zoom as a sober coach. When we get sober, we need to work on our wellbeing, we need to change, otherwise we are in danger of testing our willpower constantly, and white knuckling our way through life to avoid falling back into the abyss. That is no way to live a happy and healthy life.
I personally quite like what the NHS has to say about how to maintain our wellbeing with the 5 Ways to Wellbeing, for it’s simplicity and effectiveness. 1. Connect with other people, 2. Be physically active, 3. Learn new skills, 4. Give to others, 5. Pay attention to the Present (mindfulness). It is no surprise that the first of these ways is around connection. Johann Hari, in his book ‘Chasing the Scream’ said “the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is human connection”. Connection has played a key role in maintaining my sobriety. I was once desperately lonely because I was hiding from my husband, my family, my friends, my life. I am so thankful to be free from that abyss.
In my 5th year of sobriety I intend to keep paying attention to all 5 aspects of the Ways to Wellbeing, and I will do my very best to be procrastination-free, in addition to being an alcohol-free. If you’ve stayed with me until now, I give you my heartfelt thanks, and hope you have enjoyed my first real attempt at a blog. There will be more to follow, perhaps not weekly, but certainly regularly. With gratitude.